I know a place where lust runs wild
And nothing's ever banned.
You can find it on the net--
There is slash and there is het--
Treksmut, Treksmut Land.
You might start coming in your pants
Or right there in your hand.
There is fucking fore and aft--
Maybe even sh*ttl*cr*ft--
Treksmut, Treksmut Land.
You might say "no" but you will though
Once you've read each kinky thing.
An ode to a Vulcan dildo
Or Nurse Chapel doing T'Pring.
So that's where my wet dreams are born.
Come join our horny band.
Set your course and make it so
And we all can boldly go
Forever
In Treksmut, Treksmut Land.
(Sung to the tune of "A Fugue for Tinhorns" from Guys and Dolls)
THE REGENT (Q):
I got the codes right here,
So listen up, my dear,
I think you're really gonna like them, 'cause the meaning's clear.
P/Q, P/Q,
I hope that's your favorite, too,
If you're wondering who Q would do,
Just view P/Q.
JUDITH & MARY ELLEN:
Now here's another code,
And it's the motherlode,
Because it's been around forever, or so we've been told.
K/S, K/S,
Of all pairings, they're the best.
We read it to all our guests.
God bless K/S.
WILDCAT:
Now ladies, let's be fair,
I've got a real hot pair,
Because they've done it in the woods and in a wobbly chair.
S/U, S/U,
The characters may not be new,
But, boy, do they love to screw,
Woo hoo! S/U.
JANEWAY:
My name is Kate Janeway
And I would like to say
That I think a spanking's what it takes to make my day.
J/C, J/C,
Chakotay's the guy for me.
We play oh so naughtily.
J/C, J/C.
JONK:
I may be girl or boy
But I think you'll enjoy
A couple fellas that I write about--it's Spock/McCoy.
Yes, Spock/McCoy.
Get used to it, it's a joy.
One's Vulcan and one's a goy.
It's Spock/McCoy.
SYDVICK:
If it's PWP,
Then that's the thing for me,
Because it's short and packed with sexual activity.
It's got no plot,
Of story there's not a lot.
Just action that's really hot,
But not a plot.
BRANDT:
Well, it's no mystery
Why there's no code for me,
Because I've never been in canon, but who wants to be?
K/B, K/B,
No, that's not the code you'll see.
But if the author is J. Kitty,
K/f means me.
RUDE PERSON:
Dont like the way I spel?
Well, yu cn go to hell
Becuse your just a bunch of clickish creeps, yeah, I can tel .
Im RUDE, your screwd,
My storys are short and crude
And I writ them in th nude,
Im lood and RUDE.
GREYWOLF:
Now to a reader wise,
NR means "Big surprise!"
It says the author's keeping secrets, or somebody dies.
NR, NR,
Things can go pretty far,
You're trekkin' to an unknown star.
NR, NR.
BASHIR:
I'm Julian Bashir
And you may think it's queer
But I like it when a lizard nibbles on my ear.
G/B, G/B,
Oh, that is the code for me.
And *my* show's still on TV.
G/B, G/B.
RAKU:
This is another verse
And things are getting worse
When the characters are from another universe.
A/U, A/U,
Where people aren't canon-true,
Don't do what they usually do,
A/U, A/U.
RUTH:
You wanna boldly go?
Well, I can make it so.
Because the toys you need can all be bought at Home Depot.
Bdsm,
I'm in charge here to kiss my hem.
Oh yes, I am one of them.
Bdsm.
ALL:
We got the codes right here!
To quote Harry Mudd: "You're a hard man, Captain Kirk."
A hard man is good to find,
I never want the other kind.
When I kick back and I wanna indulge,
Don't be tellin' me that that is simply trouser bulge.
'Cause I have seen that lovely sight.
Kirk dresses left, Spock dresses right.
So if the man is James, just freeze those frames.
Erection on the planet,
Popped one on the bridge.
Here comes Mr. Spock,
Watch for double ridge.
'Cause a hard man out in space ain't hard to find.
Not if you're lookin'!
A hard man out in space ain't hard to find.
The TrekSmut Anthem