Star Trek and its characters are the property of Paramount. This not-for-profit piece of fan fiction is not intended to infringe on that ownership. The author's copyright applies only to the creative content and her original characters.
It was a moment unlike any other. A moment in which every emotion he'd ever felt and ever hoped to feel were mingled in an unstable alchemy. A moment in which the heat of passion melted both reason and memory. A moment in which he believed it was possible to repaint the canvas of his life. A moment in which he felt fresh, young, new, and, like an unschooled child, believed that truth can be created.
"Spock. I only had all those women because I couldn't have you."
Kirk placed his hands on either side of Spock's face, intending to end the sentence with a passionate kiss. A kiss unlike any other. A kiss in which every mouth he'd ever kissed and ever hoped to kiss--
Spock resisted gently and walked away, his hands clasped loosely at his back.
"Spock?" Kirk asked. "What is it?"
Silently, Spock paced the perimeter of the captain's quarters. Then he turned, and Kirk found himself wanting to look away from that studious gaze.
"Perhaps it would be appropriate for me to inform you of my reason for entering into our present relationship," Spock said.
Kirk swallowed uncomfortably. "Of course," he said carefully. "Go right ahead."
"To put it simply, I engage in sexual relations with you because I have been unable to persuade a female to do so with me."
After a long moment, Kirk quietly enunciated, "What."
"I believed that you were aware of this. I apologize for my error."
"Given your history, I had no reason to suspect that your desire for me was born of anything other than...convenience."
"*Convenience*?" Kirk's eyes bugged out at that one.
"And perhaps...desperation. It *has* been five-point-two months since your last shore leave."
"And you think--that I--!" Kirk sputtered angrily. "Why, you--insensitive--cold-blooded--" His fury rose to a point that rendered him speechless.
"Jim, I have apologized for my misinterpretation of your actions. But if you examine the facts logically, you will see that--"
"Damn logic!" he lashed out. "And damn you to hell!"
"--there are few, if any, correlations between my physical characteristics and those of the partners you have chosen in the past."
Stunned, Kirk stared at him in chilly disbelief.
"And exactly what are the correlations between me and the women you're pining for?" he enunciated sarcastically.
"When I am with you, I frequently find myself thinking of Leila Kalomi. Your resemblance to her is most remarkable...especially if I squint."
Kirk chuckled dangerously as he moved slowly in Spock's direction. "I'll give you a permanent squint, you--"
Spock remained perfectly still, except for the slight lifting of his left eyebrow.
Kirk stopped, suddenly uncertain. He felt a strange sensation creeping up his spine. A sensation unlike any other. A sensation that said, *You've been had, sucker.*
His jaw worked tensely as he growled through clenched teeth, "You're *teasing* me."
Spock nodded in acknowledgement. "For one who is so expert at that activity, you are surprisingly slow to recognize it when you are the recipient."
Kirk turned away, sorting out his reactions. He briefly tried to hold onto his hurt and anger, but they were dispelled by inescapable amusement at his own foolishness. Not to mention the rueful realization of how neatly Spock had skewered him. He pivoted and looked at Spock, who was impassively waiting for his reaction.
Kirk shook his head and began chuckling. Soon he was laughing loudly. He put a hand on Spock's shoulder and held on tightly as his growing mirth threatened to overpower him.
"I never--knew--" he gasped, "that you were--so *good* at it!"
"For three-point-seven years, it has been my privilege to observe a master at work."
Kirk howled, fell to the floor, and rocked back and forth, clutching his sides.
Spock cocked his head thoughtfully. In his three-point-seven-year association with this man, he had never witnessed such a display.
"Oh god. God, that was good," Kirk panted. "You really got me."
Spock extended his hand, and Kirk grasped it, pulling himself to his feet.
"But, really, Spock, that was cruel."
Kirk wrapped his arms around him affectionately.
"In my estimation, a statement as ludicrous as yours is worthy of punishment."
"Only my Vulcan discipline prevented me from collapsing to the deck and laughing with a force capable of detaching my buttocks from my body."
"Oh." Kirk grinned sheepishly and attempted to regain his dignity. "I was simply trying to say...well, I'm not exactly sure *what* I was trying to say. Just that you're...different. You're more."
"Fascinating. Why would a lie be considered an appropriate expression of such a sentiment?"
Too late. Once Spock had begun an analysis of Kirk's all-too-human behavior, only a red alert could stop him. Kirk sighed. He probably deserved this, too.
"Is it a traditional element of human courtship to denounce, and even degrade, one's previous partners in order to please one's current object of desire?"
"No, not at all. I just thought that you might be worried about it."
"It would appear more likely that *you* were worried about it. I fear I shall never understand the human desire to change the past. What was, was."
"I'm sorry, Spock. I underestimated you."
"Jim, I do not suffer from jealousy, nor does your history cause me pain or uncertainty. In fact, I would be displeased to learn that you had entertained a desire for me and sought distraction in others who held little, if any, appeal."
Spock took his hand and intertwined their fingers. "I do not begrudge you your history. It has made you the man you are."
Kirk smiled as Spock drew him into his arms and kissed the rounded edge of his ear.
"You enjoyed your liaisons of the past, did you not?" Spock whispered.
The side of his neck. "And you were not thinking of me at those times."
The base of his throat. "Anymore than I think of Leila Kalomi when I am with you."
The crook of his jaw. "But you are thinking of me now."
Their mouths met in a perfect fit.
It was a moment like all the others. But different. More.
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