Star Trek and its characters are the property of Paramount. This not-for-profit piece of fan fiction is not intended to infringe on that ownership. The author's copyright applies only to the creative content and her original characters.
A response to the <shudder> bathroom challenge, among other things. Mike Hollihan, I'll get you for this. As for the rating, I think this should be rated S for SQUICK.
"Marge, just about everything is a sin. You ever sit down and read this thing? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom."
- Rev. Timothy Lovejoy
*I can't believe he's enjoying this,* Kirk thought disbelievingly. *When I asked him to tell me his fantasies, I never thought...*
Spock cleared his throat. "This experience would be greatly enhanced if you would not hurry so."
"Sorry, Spock. I've never done this before."
"I find that hard to believe."
"I meant I've never had anyone *watch.*"
"I assure you that is not true."
"Really?" Kirk turned in surprise. "Oops, sorry."
"It is quite all right. You missed."
"Missed? I haven't missed since I was three years old."
"Your control is admirable. And may I say...the result is most pleasing."
"Spock, is this another one of those Vulcan rituals?"
"No, Jim, it is not a Vulcan ritual. But watching one's t'hy'la perform any of the bodily functions is considered highly erotic."
"Is that why you stare when I gargle?"
"The movement of your adam's apple is most appealing. Could you possibly do that simultaneously with--"
"No, Spock, I don't think I could."
"Ah." Spock steepled his hands and watched the steady stream splash into the b'iff'ee. "Perhaps with practice..."
"No. I have enough to do without learning to gargle while I pee."
The flow ended, and Kirk performed the requisite three shakes and zipped up. Spock gave a contented sigh.
"Indeed. And may I say, 'U' sanosh u' sov-masu belaar narn-tor masu t'hy'laren vukhut.'"
Kirk bit his lip, wishing he didn't have to ask and knowing he would hate the answer.
"As soothing as summer rain is the water of my t'hy'la."
Kirk winced. "Did you make that up?"
"No. I regret that I am not so gifted a poet. It is from 'The Love Song of Surak.'"
"I see. Well, um, thank you, Spock. I'm ... honored."
As Kirk reached for the toilet seat, Spock's hand caught his.
"Are you expecting a female visitor?" Spock asked.
Smiling, Kirk accepted the suggestion and they moved to the sleeping alcove, where Spock pulled Kirk into a deep, passionate kiss.
Later, as they lay tangled together, Spock's voice, husky and warm, roused Kirk from his languor.
"I regret that I am unable to write an adequate love poem for you."
"Perhaps if you would eat a bran muffin every morning..."
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