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This story is one in a series about the relationship between James Kirk and Suzanne Brandt. The Kirk-Brandt Chronology lists all the stories, both in order of occurrence and order of creation.
This story is based on Patty Loveless' song, "Jealous Bone."
This is for Suzanna. I told her that if we waited and let it marinate, something would come of it.
Something deep down inside of my heart
Makes me feel things that tear me apart.
Got a jealous bone, got a jealous bone.
Behind a patient smile that she hoped didn't look as false as it felt, Brandt recalled an observation made by a profoundly inebriated Lieutenant Gary Mitchell.
"Jim's success with women is indicative of a great military mind," he had expounded as he waved his glass sloppily. "'See the hill, take the hill.'"
*Well, I guess the fact that he's trying not to look like he's aware of the hills is some sort of progress,* Brandt thought dryly as she watched Kirk bask in the admiration of the woman who had accosted him when they'd first entered the restaurant.
"Do you remember me, Admiral Kirk?" the elaborately coifed hoyden had purred coyly as she brushed a bit of lint off the front of her well-stuffed, high-voltage angora sweater.
Yes, of course he remembered her. Marisa Higgins. "A reporter for 'Earth Today,'" he had explained as he introduced her to Brandt. She'd interviewed him when he was first appointed Chief of Fleet Ops.
The predatory Ms. Higgins was standing much too close to the admiral and touching his arm as she spoke. And to Brandt's chagrin, Kirk was smiling and letting her get away with it.
*What is it with Jim and high-maintenance women with bizarre hair? And pouty lips. And cloying mannerisms. And--*
"I'm *so* glad that you've stayed on Earth, Admiral," Ms. Higgins gushed. She was definitely fishing for a story--and not the printable kind. Brandt's patient smile was starting to fray around the edges. "Much as I admire Starfleet, they have an annoying habit of sending the most attractive men so far away."
Kirk threw his head back and laughed. Brandt's patient smile disappeared entirely.
*Do that once more, JT, and you'll be walking funny.*
The servbot beeped discreetly and said, "Table for three?"
Kirk glanced at Brandt apologetically.
"No. Just the two of us," Brandt said. She slipped her hand into the crook of Kirk's arm as she turned to the other woman. "Special occasion. I'm sure you understand."
"Yes, of course. I hope to see you again soon, Admiral." The reporter leered an unmistakable invitation at Kirk, and then turned to Brandt and said with chilling insincerity, "It was nice meeting you, Captain Grant."
"This way please," chirped the servbot.
The two women exchanged a parting glare that could microwave bacon.
Ever since you walked into my life,
Can't bear to see you outta my sight.
Got a jealous bone, got a jealous bone.
Chuckling to himself, Kirk watched Brandt sip her Manhattan. Captain Grant and Ms. Piggins. Well, well, well.
In the six weeks since he and Suzanne had patched things up, they had gradually relaxed into the easy give-and-take of their earlier relationship. But since a proposal of marriage had blown the whole thing apart in the first place, they continued to exercise caution when it came to possessiveness.
He felt the tickle to indulge in some light-hearted mischief. After all, if Brandt was comfortable with openly displaying a bit of jealousy, and even being a little bitchy about it...
"All right, Brat, out with it."
She gazed at him ingenuously. "Out with what?"
"Whatever you need to get out of your system about Marisa."
She frowned. "Who? Oh, your friend, the balloon smuggler."
"She was just being sociable," he explained, secretly admiring her opening shot.
"Hmm." She stabbed a shrimp on the appetizer plate and dragged it through the swirl of sauce. Popping it into her mouth, she chewed thoughtfully. Then she set her fork down, folded her hands, and said, "Jim, tell me again about that planet where Harry Mudd had all the robots."
"He didn't by any chance do a *Ruth* series, did he? Perhaps at your request?"
Ruth. Kirk felt a warm glow of satisfaction. Just like old times.
Brandt smiled sweetly. "Because, frankly, I find it unbelievable that that many 'sociable' women came into existence naturally."
"Suzanne, after all these years, why do you still go on about Ruth? Why *her*?"
"Because--" She met his eyes directly. "Because I can't understand why an intelligent man would be attracted to such a--bimbo!"
"She wasn't a bimbo," he said, although he knew damn well that she was. But a very lovely bimbo, and adoration was so soothing to a man's ego. He had no regrets about that relationship, none whatsoever, especially when he wickedly considered what a thorn it was in Brandt's side.
"She wasn't a candidate for the Mabrusi Scholarship," Brandt retorted scornfully. "Jim, I've really tried to reconcile myself to your occasional...lapses in taste. I can even understand most of them." She began ticking off a familiar list. "There was the pool-playing android--"
"I was under a lot of pressure," he responded patiently.
"The princess with the *magical* tears--"
"The actress-slash-serial killer--"
"Janice was not a body snatcher when we were--"
"I just don't get it! It boggles the mind--"
"It reflects so badly on you!"
"Glass houses," he admonished her in a gentle whisper.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Finnegan. Now *there* was a lapse in taste that could bear some explaining."
And I know I'm gonna run you off
If I don't learn to let you go,
But oh, oh, you make me lose control.
I was born with a jealous bone.
Kirk leaned back in his chair with an air of gratification. After a beat, Brandt picked up her fork and reached toward the appetizer. He moved quickly, closing his hand around her wrist.
"Suzanne. I asked you a question."
"No, you can't have the last shrimp."
With his free hand, he swiped it from the plate.
He let go of her hand and held the shrimp up between them. "Answer my question, and you can have it."
"What did you see in Finnegan?"
She shrugged. "Not much. Now give me the shrimp."
She grabbed at it, but he pulled it out of her reach.
"That's not an answer," he said sternly. "Why did you go out with him?"
"This better be one fantastic shrimp," she muttered.
"All right," she said. "Remember Girish?"
"Who could forget him?" The three-hundred-pound body builder had been the most imposing member of their class at the Academy.
"Well, he had a crush on me for a while. One day, he saw Finnegan flirting with me and almost ripped his arms off. So I felt sorry for him. Now give me the shrimp."
"Shrimp, please." She tapped the tines of her fork against her plate.
The shrimp slipped from Kirk's fingers, and he watched in stunned disbelief as she speared and consumed her prize.
"You slept with Finnegan because you felt *sorry* for him?"
Wiping her mouth delicately, she said, "I never slept with Finnegan."
"But--but--but you dated him for *three and a half months*!"
"Jim," she chuckled condescendingly. "*You* may have slept with everyone who's ever batted an eyelash in your direction, but I hold myself to a higher standard."
"You call Finnegan a higher standard?"
"You know what I find so remarkable here, JT?" She eyed him cannily. "You know exactly how long I dated him."
See heads turn when you walk in the room.
I know what they're thinkin'
'Cause I'm thinkin' it too.
Got a jealous bone, got a jealous bone.
He cleared his throat and said, "It was a lucky guess."
"Liar. I bet you know where we went on our first date." She waited, eyes sparkling mischievously. When he didn't respond, she continued, savoring each delicious word. "You had a 'thing' for me. Way back then."
"You don't have to be ashamed of it, Jim," she cooed in a voice as sweet as saccharine, and just as artificial. "I'm touched, I really am. To think that you carried a torch for me all those years. You probably dated those other women because you couldn't have me." She clucked her tongue in patronizing sympathy.
"That's the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard."
She bit her lip and sniffled empathetically. "How you must have suffered! Oh, it's too terrible! Wanting what you couldn't have."
She put a hand to her breast and rolled her eyes heavenward. He leaned his chin on his hand, knowing there wasn't a damn thing he could do until the performance was over.
"Thinking of me and burying your need in night after night of--" An adoring and totally vacant expression transformed her face as she sighed, "--Jim daaarling."
The impersonation was so dead-on accurate that he couldn't help laughing.
"Don't do that," he chortled. "You shouldn't make me laugh at Ruth. I was very fond of her."
She crowed in delight. "Oh, good, you got it! Two points for the admiral. Now!" She slapped the table happily. "This will be a fun game. I'll imitate your old girlfriends, and you can guess their identities."
I feel blood pounding all through my veins,
Every last part of me is calling your name,
Got a jealous bone, got a jealous bone.
He slipped his arm around her waist as they waited to cross the street. Watching her gaze up at the moon, he was glad that the night was warm enough to walk home.
"So what's the special occasion?" he asked.
"You said earlier that tonight was a special occasion."
"Oh! Yes, it's, uh... it's been forty-seven days since we got back together."
"Yes. That's a significant unit of time. Somewhere."
Laughing softly, they crossed the street and started up the hill. As they passed the Ryonni Embassy, Kirk felt a twinge of sorrow, recalling the last time he had been there, how it had felt to see Suzanne dancing with another man, and what had come of it.
"Suzanne..." He stopped and took her hand. "That night at the Ryonni Embassy...why did you ask me to dance?"
"They were playing our song," she said nonchalantly.
"Oh. Well, it seemed silly not to speak to each other."
He put his arms around her and drew her close.
"I wanted us to be friends again."
She looked away with a frustrated sigh. He cocked his head, pleased to see a blush rise in her face as she tried to avoid his eyes. Finally she frowned irritably and confessed, "I'd just overheard Lori Ciani say that she was going after you."
And I know I'm gonna run you off
If I don't learn to let you go,
But oh, oh, you make me lose control.
I was born with a jealous bone.
"You. Were. Jealous," he taunted smugly.
"I was not. I did it to save you from a fate worse than death."
"How heroic of you," Kirk laughed, and they began walking again.
"I always have your best interests at heart."
"Are you kidding? There's a strain of the clap named after her. That round-heeled--" She stopped and turned slowly toward him. After a moment's careful assessment, she said in a tone that was much too even, "You slept with her."
He straightened uncomfortably.
She held up a hand. "No, don't--don't say anything. I need a minute to--assimilate this." She put her hand to her mouth, blinking thoughtfully. After pacing a small circle, she pointed two steepled fingers at him and said very calmly and deliberately, "You slept with Second-Contact Ciani."
"I heard the rumors." She began pacing again. "But I couldn't believe them. I didn't think you would sink that low."
"What was the attraction, Jim?" she turned and shot with venom-infused sarcasm. "Couldn't resist boldly going where everyone else had gone before?"
"Now stop it! Yes, I slept with her. It was after you and I split up, nothing ever came of it, and it's really none of your business. There's no reason for you to be upset."
"No. You and I weren't together."
"I'm not sleeping with her now!"
"It has nothing to do with you, and if you'd just calm down, you'd see that!"
"It has everything to do with me!"
"Brandt, think a minute! You have no problem with what I used to do on shore leave. Hell, you did the same things yourself. So how is this different from any other meaningless fuck?"
"Those were before! You went to Lori *from me!*"
"Yes, I went to her from you!" he snapped angrily. "Straight from you walking away from me on the embassy terrace! You didn't look back. You didn't see how that hurt. And when I went back inside, you were dancing with the ambassador's son. Smiling and flirting with a man at least fifteen years your junior! So yes, I slept with Lori! Because at that moment, she was what I needed. Someone who was the opposite of you. Someone uncomplicated. Someone who wouldn't throw my failure in my face just because I asked her to marry me! And I probably did it because I hoped it would hurt you when you heard about it."
She started off at a quick pace. Kirk caught up to her at the corner, where the clattering of a passing cable car filled the uneasy silence. By the time it had passed, they had missed the crossing signal, so they stood side by side, unspeaking, until Suzanne said quietly, "I thought you did Lori because..."
"Because you think I'll do anything just to get my toes curled," he said bitterly.
"'See the hill, take the hill.' Is that it?"
"Gary thought that was too clever an insight not to share."
They turned the corner and walked half a block in silence until Brandt stopped to greet a Golden Retriever and its owner. She was instantly down on one knee, scratching the dog's ears and saying, "You're a beauty, aren't you?" in a voice she had never used to address a sentient being. After licking the salt from her cheek, the dog dragged its owner away, and, silent once more, Kirk and Brandt continued homeward.
After another quarter-block, Kirk stopped and said, "Suzanne. I...I don't know what to say to you."
"No. Let's sit down a minute."
He sat down on a nearby stoop and waited until she sat down next to him. He tried to put his arm around her, but she shrugged it off and folded her arms tight across her chest. Leaning his elbows on his knees, he stared into the night. After several minutes, she sighed and said, "You never told me how badly it hurt when I refused to marry you."
"I would have, if you hadn't gone on assignment without even telling me."
"I wanted to tell you, but after you stormed out of the apartment, you never came back."
"And I knew what you wanted to hear. I didn't have a 'yes' in me, Jim." She turned away and said in a pained whisper, "I guess that was where Lori came in."
He put his arms around her and, after an aching eternity, she turned and leaned against him, letting him shield both of them from the pain they'd created. He held her close, thinking how fragile their connection was, how easy it was to misunderstand each other when words were all they had.
But there were two areas in which they almost never stumbled. Two things that were never misunderstood. And only one of them could be done on a public street. As he felt her arms close around him, he said, "I dare you to forgive me."
She looked up and gave him a familiar, crooked smile.
"Done. And I dare you to never need this sort of forgiveness again."
They spit into their palms, shook hands, and started up the street once more.
After a few paces, Brandt said slowly, "So what you're saying is...you only did Lori because you couldn't have me."
He looked and saw her valiantly trying to keep a straight face.
"Well, when it comes right down to it...Yes." He put his fingers under her chin and turned her face toward his. "Yes, it's true. I'm not ashamed to admit it." Watching a wide grin spread across her face, he poured out a histrionic oratory. "I had a 'thing' for you. Torch and all. Even before I met you, there was something...*missing.* And suffering? Let me tell you about suffering--"
"Oh, stop it, you big ham!" Laughing, she pushed him away. "I didn't buy that even when *I* was saying it."
He pulled her into a quick kiss, and then they resumed their interrupted journey. They strolled hand in hand, and as they turned the corner, she said casually, "So...how was she?"
He stopped, folded his arms, and asked, "Brandt, just how badly do you want to have a major argument out here on the street?"
"No. But do you want to tell me what you did during that time?"
"Jim, I was heartbroken," she said in a wounded voice.
She smiled with sly satisfaction. "No, it isn't, is it?"
He chuckled. If not knowing where she had sought comfort was to be his punishment...so be it. He could live with that. But it better not have been that ambassador's son.
"So everything's all right now?" he asked. "You still love me?"
"I suppose," she sighed wearily. "After all, *someone* has to do it."
They finished the ascent to the top of the hill. As they paused to survey the beauty of San Francisco on a clear autumn night, Brandt looked up at Kirk, put her hands on either side of his face, and kissed him softly.
"I love you," she whispered. "And I'm glad we're together. But when we get home--" She glanced down discreetly, her eyes lit with gleeful malice. "--you're boiling that thing."
Jealous bone, jealous bone, jealous bone,
Got a jealous bone.
Brandt lay in bed, watching the seductive play of light and shadow as Kirk undressed. Even as she warmed with desire, she couldn't help thinking of the other women who had admired him under similar circumstances. But she reminded herself that the past had led to the undeniably agreeable present and concluded that he was worth being jealous over.
He caught her watching him and continued undressing. But more slowly.
Yes, definitely worth being jealous over. And he knew it.
As he slid under the sheets and she felt the warmth of his body next to hers, she decided she really didn't mind that he could read her so easily.
They moved toward each other in a smooth, well-practiced motion and kissed gently for several lazy moments. Then she pushed him onto his back and indulged herself in a series of playful nibbles along his jaw.
"Hmm?" She licked the hollow at the base of his throat, inhaling the scent that made her hungry to possess him.
"Forget Finnegan," she murmured as she slid down his body and rubbed her face against his chest.
"Mmmm." Her lips tickled his nipple, and when it didn't jump to attention quickly enough, she sucked it with determination.
"I just---ah!--didn't like seeing you throw yourself away on someone so worthless."
She looked up and said, "Now you know how I felt about Ruth." Then she lowered her head and nipped at the flesh she had been teasing.
"Yes?" She rolled the throbbing nipple between her teeth menacingly.
*You bet your sweet ass touche,* she thought happily as she moved down his body to the part that was standing at attention and all but saluting.
Got to have you baby, all to myself,
Can't stand the thought of you with anyone else.
Got a jealous bone, got a jealous bone.
"Suzanne...stop a minute." He could hardly believe he was saying that, but he couldn't really enjoy himself until a nagging question was settled. "I want to ask you something."
She looked up from between his legs. "This isn't about Finnegan, is it?"
"You lied to me, didn't you? You did sleep with him."
With a sharp huff of exasperation, she sat up and said firmly, "No, I did not."
"You couldn't have felt sorry for him all that time."
"Aaaargh!" She fell back on the bed and pounded the mattress with her fists. "You are the most frustrating man--"
"Jim, let's drop it, all right?" she pleaded.
"No. Tell me now, and I'll never mention Finnegan again."
He propped himself up on one elbow and waited. He watched her furrow her brow, knowing she was trying to gauge the level of his determination.
"Brandt..." he cajoled stubbornly.
"Well...Girish wasn't the only reason I went out with him." She sat up and began twisting her hair around her fingers. "I wanted to... Well, I thought... I, um..."
Puzzled, he sat up and watched her fumble her way toward a confession. But what in the Great Bird's galaxy was she about to reveal? Her discomfort was completely out of proportion with admitting to a harmless lie about her relationship with Finnegan. Especially if the facts would get under his skin, as she knew they would. Which meant it was something else entirely... Something she would be embarrassed to disclose.
He heard the quickly drawn breath that indicated she was about to blurt out the truth, and at that moment, he flashed on the real reason for her relationship with his tormentor.
"You wanted to piss me off," he accused softly.
He frowned sternly. "For three and a half months."
"Well..." She pursed her lips playfully as she clasped her hands behind his neck. "It worked, didn't it?"
Jealous bone, got a jealous bone.
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