(c) 1999 Jungle Kitty and Reesa
Star Trek and its characters are the property of Paramount. This not-for-profit piece of fan fiction is not intended to infringe on that ownership. The author's copyright applies only to the creative content and her original characters.
Note
A half-act play inspired by the picture on the Barbie & Ken Star Trek dolls' box and written in a parking lot. And now...without further ado...the never-before-revealed story of the most infamous coding of them all...R/R! RAND AND RILEY!
As the scene opens, Janice Rand is wearily sorting through a stack of data disks. As she sighs plaintively, Kevin Riley enters.
RILEY: Hi, Janice.
RAND: Hi, Kevin.
RILEY: Are you going to the rec hall tonight?
RAND: I can't. I've got all this work to do.
RILEY: Oh, darn. I was really hoping you would be there. I've memorized another routine from those old Rodney Dangerfield tapes. You're the only one who seems to appreciate it when I do that.
RAND: Gosh, Kevin, I just don't understand why no one else laughs. You sound just like him. RILEY (tugging at an imaginary necktie): I'll tell ya why. I get no respect, that's why. RAND goes into peals of laughter, then sighs unhappily and returns to sorting the disks.
RILEY: How long will that take, do you think?
RAND: Forever! I'm really stuck!
RILEY: Can I help?
RAND: I don't know. It's very complicated.
RILEY: Well, I can at least keep you company.
RAND: OK. (She sorts a few more disks, then cries) Oh, no!
RILEY: What's the matter?
RAND: (almost on the verge of tears) There's nothing in this stack but reports from Dr. McCoy!
RILEY: Well, gosh, Janice, don't cry! We'll just hide them. (He lifts her basket-do and starts to put the disks under it.)
RAND: No, don't do that! I have to figure out how to file them.
RILEY: Under M?
RAND: Oh, Kevin. It's sweet of you to want to help, but it's a lot more complicated than that.
RILEY: How?
RAND: Well, you know Mr. Finney, the records officer? He wants all the Mc's filed at the beginning of the M's, but the captain wants them perfectly alphabetical, you know, M'benga, McCoy, McGyver.
RILEY: Boy, that is a toughie! What do you usually do?
RAND: Well, I came up with a system. One month, I file them the way Mr. Finney likes it and the next month I do it the captain's way.
RILEY: Sounds good. So what's the problem?
RAND: I can't remember which month this is!
RILEY: Hmmmm. Maybe you could start a new system. You could do it the captain's way in months with R in them.
RAND: Kevin, I'm not a very good speller.
RILEY: Oh. Hey, I've got it! File it under B for Bones!
RAND: Oh, Kevin, you're a genius! (She throws her arms around him and hugs him) Um, Kevin, is that a phaser in your pocket or are you just glad we're done filing?
RILEY: Actually, both. Say, Janice, now that you're free...
RAND: Yes?
RILEY: I was thinking that maybe we could skip the rec hall and go to my quarters.
RAND: What about your Rodney Dangerfield routine?
RILEY: I can do a private show just for you. You're the only one who laughs anyway.
RAND: Well...OK. But I don't want anyone to know about this. It might cause talk. (She goes to the door and scans it with her shoulder bag.) The coast is clear.
RILEY: Let's go!
RAND: Wait! What if we run into someone?
RILEY: Don't worry. (He draws his phaser and holds it to her back.) I'll tell them you're under arrest. Luckily, I'm wearing my red shirt. Now march, yeoman! RAND (giggles): Yes, sir!
RILEY: Uh, Janice? This would be a lot more believable if you weren't smiling.
RAND: Oh, silly me. (They start out.) Kevin?
RILEY: Yes?
RAND: When we get to your quarters...
RILEY: Yes?
RAND: (blushing) Well, the captain always starts out by 'interrogating' me.
RILEY: Yeah, he does that to me, too.
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