Star Trek and its characters are the property of Paramount. This not-for-profit piece of fan fiction is not intended to infringe on that ownership. The author's copyright applies only to the creative content and her original characters.
This story is one in a series about the relationship between James Kirk and Suzanne Brandt. The Kirk-Brandt Chronology lists all the stories, both in order of occurrence and order of creation.
"All right, Bones, what is it? I'm a busy man."
"I know, Captain, but...Maybe you better sit down."
Frowning suspiciously, Kirk sat down across from the doctor. McCoy swiveled his monitor so it faced the captain.
"I was reviewing the recent crew physicals and something, ah, unusual came up."
"Yes?"
"Take a look at this."
McCoy punched a button and the monitor displayed an array of rapidly moving dots.
"Computer, magnification factor one thousand. Now, Jim, what you're looking at are--"
"Sperm. I know. What about them?"
"Those are normal human sperm. Now these--" Click. "--are Spock's."
Kirk stared at the parallel lines of little green swimmers moving sedately across to screen. "Is that--normal?"
"For a Vulcan, yes. But watch what happens when they're exposed to sandalwood. Computer, display the results of the sandalwood test."
In the new scene, some of the subjects were wiggling in a distinctively come-hither manner while others displayed a frightening aggressiveness. None could be described as sedate.
Kirk's jaw dropped but no words came out.
"I think the word you're looking for, Jim, is 'fascinating.' Wait, there's more. Take a look at this." Click. "Chekov."
All appeared as they should be until McCoy magnified a bit more and then Kirk could see that they all wore oversize wigs and had their mouths wide open as if to scream.
"What the hell--"
"On to Scotty's 'wee beasties.'"
They were plaid.
"Ensign Higgins."
"Who?"
"New man in Security."
Higgins' sperm were tumbling, crashing and dying for no apparent reasons.
"Bones, what are..." Kirk reconsidered his question. "What are yours like?"
Click. The doctor's boys were weaving around, bumping into each other, obviously drunk.
"And--" Kirk forced down the lump in his throat. "Mine?"
McCoy sighed heavily. "Jim, I wish I didn't have to show you this."
Kirk stared at the display. "No..."
"I'm working on a cure."
"This has to be a joke."
"I wish it was."
"How did it happen?"
"Here's how I figure. As you know, there are a large number of people who have an inordinate interest in us, our adventures and our sex lives. Yours in particular. It seemed harmless enough at first but the workings of their fevered and kinky imaginations seem to be having an effect."
"Doctor, the next words out of your mouth had better be, 'I've found a cure.'"
"I'm working on it."
"Not good enough. Have you thought about what could happen if one of us were to--"
The comm buzzed insistently. Kirk went to the wall unit and punched the button so hard it fell off.
"Kirk here."
"Uhura, Captain. I'm receiving a distress call. From Earth."
"Earth? Put it through."
"Yes, sir."
"Jim?"
"Suzanne?"
He could hear the anger under her tightly controlled words. "I'm pregnant."
"No..."
"Pregnant. And pregnant. And pregnant-pregnant-pregnant."
"Pregnant-pregnant-pregnant?"
"Quintuplets, Jim. And not just any quintuplets. There are five marshmallow-based lifeforms growing inside of me."
"M-m-marshmallow?"
"Peeps, Jim! I'm pregnant with peeps! They're due a few weeks before Easter."
"Suzanne, I'm...sorry. I'm really very sorry."
"Not as sorry as you're going to be. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was originally entitled "As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Peep" but that gave too much away. Still it's such an awful pun that I felt compelled to share.I'd love to hear from you! Please use my Guestbook to leave story feedback. Your guestbook entry can be public or private. You can also sign up to receive new stories by email.
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