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This story is one in a series about the relationship between James Kirk and Suzanne Brandt. The Kirk-Brandt Chronology lists all the stories, both in order of occurrence and order of creation.
Notes
This is a little something I started on and abandoned. I don't know if I'll finish it, or even write anymore of it, so if you can't stand unfinished stories, stop now. It's currently coded PG, but that could change.My suspicions about this story were recently confirmed: If you aren't fairly familiar with Margaret Mitchell's "Gone With The Wind," you may not find this at all entertaining, and it might not even make sense. Fiddle-dee-dee. I'll think about it tomorrow.
Those last two sentences were a test. If you don't know why I put them there, this isn't the story for you. <g>
Captain Kirk looked around the festive scene as he entered the room. Laughter, music, handsome men, beautiful women--everything he liked in a party. And today--today he intended to make this party memorable. Now if he could just get Spock alone...
"Jim! You must promise me the first waltz!"
"Of course, Rayna, I wouldn't consider any other partner."
"Jim, I plan on eating barbecue with you!"
"Jim Kirk, where have you been? It's been simply ages!"
"Ruth, you're looking beautiful as always."
He made his way through the bevy of lovely females and was accosted by Admiral Nogura.
"Captain Kirk, I've been looking for you. Come with me."
As the two men made their way up the grand staircase, Kirk turned for a final glimpse of the party below. At the bottom of the stairs, a striking woman was leaning on the banister, watching him appreciatively.
"Admiral...who is that at the bottom of the stairs?"
"That's Captain Suzanne Brandt, the famous renegade of Special Ops. Haven't you heard about her?"
"She's been up on charges for fraternization eleven times. The last time, they finally had her dead to rights--in bed with an underage cadet--and she chose to resign. A total disgrace."
"What's she doing at a party in the Vulcan ambassador's home?"
"She captains a merchant ship now. She was here on business. A terrible embarrassment for Sarek and Amanda, but what could they do?"
"She looks at me like she knows what I look like out of uniform."
He glanced back once more, and she smiled as if she knew quite a bit more than that. Putting aside his curiosity, he followed the admiral into a private room on the second floor.
"Jim, this is strictly off the record, but I'm warning all my officers. It'll be war any day now."
"The negotiations have failed?"
"They're about to. The Romulans refuse to give an inch. So...be ready."
"Good. Now let's get back to the party. I'd hate to miss Sarek's announcement."
The admiral chuckled. "Well, they have kept it quiet, haven't they? I thought you'd be the first to know. Amanda told me earlier this afternoon. They're announcing Spock's engagement to T'Pring."
A pain slashed at Kirk's heart as savagely as a wild animal's fangs. He felt the admiral's eyes on him, a little pitying, a little annoyed.
"Jim. You haven't been making a fool of yourself, running after your first officer, have you?"
"No, sir, of course not. I was just a little...surprised."
"Don't lie to me, Jim. I'm sorry. But there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Don't jerk your chin at me, Captain. Even if Spock did want to marry you, I'd be reluctant to waive the fraternization rules."
"You wouldn't be happy. Only when like marries like can there be any happiness. Together, you're the best-matched captain and first officer in the fleet. But if it went any further than that, I couldn't let you command the EnTaraprise any longer."
"I don't care about that! The EnTaraprise doesn't amount to anything without--!"
"Jim Kirk! Do you stand there and tell me that the EnTaraprise--that command doesn't amount to anything? Command is the only thing in the universe worth working for, worth fighting for--worth dying for."
"Admiral, there's more to life than Starfleet."
"Ah, Jim, you're young yet. It'll come to you--this love of command. There's no getting away from it if you're Starfleet."
Kirk watched Spock squire T'Pring around the room, introducing her to the other guests. Yes, they were a handsome couple. But Spock couldn't love her. Not after all the significant looks on the bridge, the sexually-charged chess games, and--oh god!--surely Spock had known what he felt when they lay beside each other in that tiny bed when they'd traveled back in time. Why had he held back? Why hadn't he said something? Why hadn't he simply reached for him? And now it was too late.
*No, it's not. They haven't announced it yet. I can still speak up. I can--*
He turned quickly in the direction of a soft feminine voice.
"Captain, I've decided that--if it comes to fighting--I'm going to request an active assignment."
Kirk couldn't think of a response so he remained silent, wondering why the hell he was supposed to care what she did.
"If I did, Captain...would you be sorry to see me go?"
He scanned the room, trying to keep Spock in his vision.
"Would you be concerned about me?"
"I imagine I'd go gray with worry."
"Captain Kirk--Jim. I must tell you. I--I love you!"
"Ummm? Would you excuse me, Admiral?"
"I hate to intrude, Mr. Spock, but it's imperative that I speak to you immediately. Alone."
"Very well, Captain. Excuse me, T'Pring."
Kirk paced the library, trying to decide how to approach this.
"Spock. I need to tell you..."
There. He'd said it. How easy it was. Why had he hesitated?
Spock drew a long breath. "Isn't it enough that you've collected the hearts of everyone else on the EnTaraprise? Must you have mine as well?" He cocked an eyebrow in gentle teasing.
"Don't joke with me, Spock! I love you! Tell me you care. You do care, don't you?"
"Yes," Spock said. "Yes, I care."
Spock's dull, pained tone left Kirk speechless.
"Jim, please. Can we not leave this room and forget this conversation?"
"No. No, I said it, and I can't take it back."
"Jim, I am sorry. I am going to marry T'Pring. My parents are to announce it tonight. I would have told you, but I thought you knew. I never dreamed that you--you have so many lovers--"
"You just said you cared for me."
"Jim, why must you make me say things that will only hurt you?"
"She is like me, part of my blood, and we understand each other."
"I should not have said it, for I knew you would not understand. How could I help caring for you--you who have all the passion for life that I have not? You who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why, you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things, and I--"
"Why don't you say it, you coward? You're afraid to love me! You'd rather live with that cold-hearted b--"
"Jim, you must not speak this way of T'Pring."
"Who are you to tell me what I mustn't do?"
Spock put out his hand and, as he did, Kirk slapped him across the face with all his strength. After a moment, Spock turned slowly and left the room, closing the door softly behind him.
Kirk's hand dropped slowly to a small table and fingered a china figurine. With sudden violence, he turned and hurled it at the marble mantelpiece.
Kirk staggered backwards in surprise as Captain Brandt rose from the sofa.
"Captain Brandt, you should have made your presence known."
"And miss that touching scene? Not on your life."
"Eavesdroppers--" he started angrily.
"Eavesdroppers often learn highly entertaining and instructive things. Speaking of course from long experience in eavesdropping--"
"Captain Brandt, you are no lady."
"And you, Captain Kirk, are no gentleman. But you are a man of rare spirit, and I salute you. I fail to understand what charms the elegant Vulcan can hold for a man with your--how did he put it--'passion for living,' but--"
"You aren't fit to wipe his boots!"
"Can I assume that you're in a position to know?"
Speechless with fury, he turned on his heel and left the room with as much dignity as he could summon. The heavy door banged behind him, muffling the sound of bright laughter.
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